Baby Sleep Series

Oh, patient reader, you may have noticed I have become somewhat preoccupied with the topic of babies and their sleeping habits.

Be assured I am blessed to have in my possession a baby that is yet to develop sleep problems, or well, the appearance of them.  He falls asleep in his own bed by himself and can take longer naps if he needs them usually, although he does catnap a fair bit.  He also sleeps quite well at night, enough to leave me fairly lucid during the day. However as a second time parent whose daughter was sleeping through the night at the age her son is still demanding night feeds, I'm curious as to why and how this sleep thingamajig works. I'm also just interested in learning about stuff and need a new hobby horse.

I am reading across the parenting style spectrum to see what various 'experts' say and giving a general summary of them for my own interest, and hopefully yours, long suffering reader.

Summary of 'The Spectrum'

What do I mean by parenting style spectrum?  I mean the spectrum between 'parent-directed feeding' (PDF) and their commonly associated settling methods and 'attachment' parenting style feeding and subsequent settling methods. I'm not really going into feeding routines or demand feeding, although these may effect sleeping and settling.

At one end of the spectrum may be the extreme of PDF settling methods where babies are left to cry for long periods ( perhaps as long as an hour) with varying degrees of attention, from listening/watching baby but not intervening, to entering the room at 2-20 minutes intervals to reassure without feeding or picking up the baby. Some methods have parents staying in the room but not picking up the baby, or making eye contact. Parent directed settling may arise out of ideological conviction or apparent necessity when other methods of getting a baby to sleep fail.  Sometimes they are successful and the crying is of short duration, other times they are ongoing and upsetting for the family and then abandoned.

The other end of the spectrum may be the attachment style in which babies are rocked, cuddled, breastfed to sleep share a bed with their parents.  Again many parent practises vary a lot and may involve feeding to sleep but baby sleeping in a separate room and bed, or feeding to sleep but sleeping in the same room or same bed.  Or rocking to sleep or wearing baby in a front pack and then putting baby to bed.  Or holding the baby or child until they are in deep sleep before putting them to bed. Attachment parenting can arise out of a deep philosophical conviction or just pure pragmatism - that it 'works'. Sometimes bed sharing in particular is enjoyed and other times tolerated.

Where do I fall, you may ask?  Well, I'll get to that in due course and you may have already guessed. ;)

One thing I have found from my reading is that both 'camps' inevitably have their own kind of 'scaremongering' and mythology.  For instance, parent directed models often assure parents that their child will never EVER leave their bed if they sleep with their baby, or that if they breastfeed their baby to sleep they will have to do it every time they wake in the night.  In contrast, many attachment based approaches assure parents that allowing their baby to cry for 'x' amount of minutes will permanently damage their child emotionally.  Maybe you yourself have stumbled into one camp because your fear of say 'never EVER sleeping again' was greater than your fear of what crying may do to your baby? Or Vice versa?

Or maybe, happy Socrates, you just fed your baby to sleep one day and voila! it worked and now they are 6 and happily go to bed without it? Or maybe you stood nervously outside your baby's door for a few minutes while they cried, or perhaps you just needed the loo and went guiltily while your baby was crying in their bed, you were gone but a minute, but voila! Your baby slept and now they are in kindy and are the sunniest of little people.  Oh happy Socrates!

I, a former systems analyst cannot let things be, I hanker to understand night waking and sleep cycles, crying and cortisol, overstimulation and understimulation.

My first step into this murky subject is to read Dr Richard Ferber MD's 'Solve your child's sleep problems'.

However, now I have to go and feed the baby.

Summary

Autumn redux: by the end of Autumn we still hadn't...

a) moved to a warmer house with a heat pump on a single level with sensible, sun-drenched under cover drying facilities

b) moved to a warmer state where the overall temp is warmer by several degrees.

Then as winter arrived this last few weeks gone and God in his mercy heard my prayers for contentment I have now accepted that winter is here and that it will :

a) be cold, seepy, drab and dreary

b) that this will involve a lot of work drying clothes, keeping the house warm and dressing an active little person who keeps saying "At! At!" and taking her hat off. Somehow, I am sublimely happy today. This MUST be God's mercy because it is indeed cold and said baby still has a fascination with her hat.

This week I am ruminating and praying alot about:

a) Doing effective ministry:
What is it? how do you 'be authentic' within it when the church you are in already has particular models that you may not have chosen? How do you serve and give when a small child needs a lot of energy, attention and time? How do you use your time more effectively at home without having a messy house and opening a ready-meal for dinner?

a1)Somehow, this is working better. I am trying to have more set activities every week to work around, I am setting the goal of listening to Christian sermons and podcasts more as well as reading more Christian books on our nights at home rather than flaking out - this is hard when I am tired, but God is answering my prayer for more energy and concentration.

b) enjoying God and being content:
How do you praise God when your head is full of 'I have to get Jelly up in twenty minutes and I really need to finish tidying this before we go out and ...' etc. Busy brain is tiring and distracting.

I wrote this a few weeks ago right before school holidays when all the regular activities ceased! Hence this week has been tough but I have discovered a gymn with free child care with nana like ladies running it. Jelly loved it, played intensely for half an hour and promptly fell asleep several hours before she usually does, even though she never usually sleeps without her comforter! Then, miracle of miracles, she still went down at the usual time for her day sleep. I think I have foudn a place to make the week 'work'! So thankful for such gentle ladies who could tell she just needing a little kip.

'The Poison of the sidelong glance'

I have been trying to write this blog post in my head for over a week now. My perfectionist side was insisting that I listen to the sermon again ( which would make it the third listening) - perhaps even pausing to quote directly from the podcast. The sensible time-saving mummy in me said, 'Life's too short! If people are interested they will listen to it themselves'. Listen here.

The sermon uses the text of the parable of the workers in the vineyard. Remember this one? All the workers get the same amount, even though some people were hired only one hour before COB. I think its easy with much of scripture, to heartily enjoy watching the Pharisees getting their comeuppance, but when it is us getting challenged, it isn't very funny... I used to think that I was one of the latecomers who worked before the end, but after being a Christian a little while, I'm starting to feel like one of the early risers who started with the morning dew.

Ben Merkle persuasively showed me that I spend way too much of my life comparing my 'share' to others. I look around and think that 'she has it easier than I do because her kids are older' or 'she has it easier because she's single'. Merkle makes the point that we are usually perfectly happy with our lot, until we see that someone's else's is larger, or sweeter, or has more cream on top.

As we raise our eyes up, to the King of Kings, to our sacrificial lamb and resurrected King from whom we receive our promised denarius, perhaps we will be less poisoned by unhappiness and discontent.

So there you have it, my pared back, simplified, non-perfect review, now go listen to the podcast, I promise it will tear you down and lift you up again.

Poured out like a drink offering

I am feeling much more refreshed after a week away at Tasmanian Christian Convention and more motivated to keep absorbing scripture. One thing I found comforting was talking to some men who also struggle to sit still while reading the scriptures - Peter Woodcock thought it was silly to sit still! I am listening to sermons by John Piper as I take Evangeline for walks and visiting other churches when I can to get as much spiritual food as I can during these endless summer evenings.

Work

Feeling a pull to go back to paid work already, its not worldy pressure of 'all my friends are working' or a desire to have more money for things although I would like to have more money to put away - but just an urge to use my skills a few days a week. I am torn as I would miss my daughter painfully and she is still so young, only 7 months, however I know I won't get the first job I try for, and I am praying for babysitting/child care opportunities that don't hurt me and make things easier for Evangeline.

I would like to be the kind of thrifty housewife who makes everything by hand and somehow manages to buy a field from selling my homemade things on ebay or something ( in a kind of modern equivalent of the proverbs 31 wife) but I'm not her! I did a Masters degree and have worked to support my husband through college and feel odd not working. Just praying for the right opportunity...