I love looking back over the last 6 ish months and realising that we survived! Parenthood is overwhelming and in some ways completely humbling. If you had told me 6 days after my daughter was born that I would be enjoying myself so completely at 6 months I would not have believed you!
God has worked in us so mightily to have luxurious reflection time, such a blessing to do this amidst busy full-time ministry. My husband seems to so rarely look up from his work but when he does we enjoy great times of discussion and insight from the Lord.
Guilt
It's strange but at 6 months it is becoming clear to me that our daily routine is not the norm for many mothers. I enjoy sleep from any time I choose to go to bed ( and don't suffer insomnia!) until 7am the next day, every night. Even on holidays when I expected some early waking or unsettled nights my daughter surprised me. we go away again this weekend and my stress and fear of unsettled nights is gone, even if she does wake this time - I know what we need to do to get her back in good sleep patterns.
I feel guilty when I speak to parents whose children are waking in the night - it was such an exhausting time for me that I can't remember it without feeling that sleep deprivation and sheer terror of another broken nights sleep. I feel guilty that we don't have settling issues - we don't 'pace the floor' or put our baby to bed asleep praying they won't wake up any time soon. We put her to bed awake and by some miracle she sleeps and we love it!
It's hard though because on one level we worked hard for it, we followed a book from day one and did what we were told - we (well mostly me) did trouble-shooting and tried different things if one thing didn't work. I was tense and set alarms constantly for feed times day and night in the first 8 weeks....I felt horrible tired. In other ways it is not something I can gain credit for - God did it. Some parents do whatever feels right and get a sleeping baby, others do the same and suffer years of broken sleep.
It must be hard to be a parent to follow the book to the letter and try hard and have a baby that cries a lot and doesn't sleep. It must be awful - there must be such a sense inadequacy and failure. Weirdly I feel like a failure myself!
I get 7-8 hours a night and still don't manage to get much done, I help with some food ministry, care for my baby, look after my husband and held the odd person - but some people who get much less sleep than I do achieve so much more!
*Sigh* When will I know that I am doing all that God calls me to do! In heaven I suppose, until then, I try and offer help and suggestions to other parents who ask me, otherwise I try and keep my trap shut - who am I to judge what someone does to help their child sleep?!!! I just followed what happened to be the right book for my baby and am reaping the daily benefits. for this I praise God!
