Friday, February 04, 2011

Perfectionism and Worry Sucks

Seriously, who'd be a perfectionist? Who would also be a worry-wart/anxiety artist?

Oh, that'd be me, I guess.

For all of you non-perfectionist personalities out there, let me give you an insight into my brain on a typical day.

My brain: Hmm, its cleaning day, need to mop the floors, clean the bathrooms and perhaps fit in a few other errands around the usual day-to-day busy-ness.

My brain post floor mopping: Argh! There are still marks on my mopped floor! Maybe I should get down on my hands and knees and scrub? Also, the floor is wet, how am I going to now create a perfectly pleasing lunch for my husband and daughter? I have three loads of washing that must be completed today so that they can join all the already sufficient clean laundry in the drawers. But the bathroom has mould in it, I cannot possibly let that eat into any of my usual routines and the cleaning fluid may affect my daughter when she has her bath in 5 hours and I cannot possibly skip that bath!

Sensible Brain waves: Just mop the floor for Pete's sake.  Tip toe on wet floor and whip up some scrambled eggs for lunch.  The washing can wait, your family is sufficiently clothed for the next fortnight. Spray and scrub the mould, it will gradually recede with a weekly scrub, skip the bath or give your daughter a thrill by giving her a bath in the kitchen sink for a change.

An example of Anxiety Art - 

Husband: You need to book in at the dentist for a scale and clean.
Me: Where's the dentist?
Husband: On the other side of the river
My brain: Oh no, I have to drive all that way, how am I going to fit in all of E's sleep into the day? What if she doesn't sleep as long? What if she gets bored while sitting in her pram at the dentist and calls out so that the dentist drills into a nerve or something? what if she Doesn't Sleep Enough? Ah, thats it, I'm too exhausted to book into the dentist today.

I am slowly learning ( or perhaps I should admit I am praying to learn) that sometimes things just Get Done.  The floor will not gleam, it is old.  The walls in the bathroom will never be white, they have twenty years of mould and no ventilation.  Lunch does not have to be a masterpiece, it gets eaten and forgotten.  My daughter will have days when she is bored because I have to take care of stuff.  The time taken to listen to a sermon, write an email to a friend, spend time with the Lord in prayer, are worth more than a perfect house and I must accept that enjoying these blessing invariably lead to a sacrifice of other things.